The first time spending a year as a missionary occurred to me was in the summer of 2014 while working at GE Digital Energy near Chicago, IL. I had spent all my years of education preparing to do engineering work and finally I had made it to a great company where I could try my hand as an engineer. Unfortunately, it didn’t take long before I found the work uninspiring for a variety of reasons leaving me with the distinct impression that I would be extremely dissatisfied with my life if I as still doing this kind of work come 5, 15, 25 years later. Driving home one evening, the depression of realizing the futility of my life path struck me profoundly as I pushed tears away from my eyes. I thought and prayed to God, “I don’t want to get to the end of my life and say I never gave God and His ministry a chance.” In that moment, I committed that at some point in my life I will spend 12 months doing fulltime ministry. 

The following summer of internship was much better and I learned many things that have informed my choice to work at Ameren in an innovation arm of the company—Praise the Lord it has been so much more satisfying! At the start of my working career, my friends would ask me, “how long will you be here in Champaign?” and I would jokingly respond “3 years… … because that’s when I get my retirement benefits!” This response was all in good fun because the truth was I had no idea what my plan would be; however, each time I would talk or think about a 3-year period, I could feel peace in my heart. I started to realize that God was perhaps establishing three years as the limit of the coming “season” in my life. 

In 2017, I prayed and asked God to show me what I was supposed to concentrate on during these 3 years and I felt like God told me, “you will learn how to host my presence no matter what.” That sounded like a perfectly great thing every Christian should want to learn! However, the reality of such a statement is that I would soon be dealing with all kinds of internal and external struggles. It was only through persevering and overcoming through them that I would learn to host God’s presence and gain a revelation that every situation is an opportunity for Jesus to be shown famous in my life. Additionally, I asked God what he was calling me to do during this season and it became clear that He had put 1) work, 2) service to the college ministry, and 3) commitment to roommate relationships in front of me to remain faithful to. 

For 3 years, I learned a wide variety of lessons. I went through a season of unexplainable depression and learning that actual trust in Jesus could fight away the feelings. I experienced intense feelings of comparison with the many exceptional people around me and found it was not necessary to focus on them but rather on what God was doing in my life. I learned to press into evenings of ministering at our college gatherings and small groups that in the moment I wanted nothing to do with, but that God didn’t base his actions on my feelings. I experienced for the first time an understanding of what it means to be and have deeper friendships with Christ at the center. Finally, I began to treasure the value of being vulnerable first as an avenue to directly tackle the issues I found myself wrestling with while also opening up doors to show Jesus’ activity in my life to others. I’m sure these are only just a few of the ways I learned to host the presence during that season. 

Next thing I knew, it was January 9, 2020, my three-year anniversary at Ameren. Immediately, I sensed that I was no longer grounded in that set of commitments God showed me but rather that it was soon time for the next thing. That ungrounded feeling lasted a few months until I realized I ought to remain faithful to the college ministry until the end of the school year. During those remaining five months, I explored a variety of next steps to learn what the next season would be, but found many doors blocked. A great opportunity to advance within Ameren was not available to me because I wasn’t qualified. Explorations into day trading, online sales, and programming all felt initially engaging but ultimately not fulfilling. A fantastic business idea which I formulated into a grant proposal was roundly rejected by the Department of Energy. Finally, a coworker offered to connect me to fantastic opportunity as a corrosion specialist, but I felt God specifically say “no” and gave me no peace about pursuing. It was at this point that I remembered my commitment to one day serve God exclusively for 12 months. 

I sat down many times to discuss my situation with God. I would usually get my journal and begin writing out my thoughts and prayers to Him. On one day, God brought to my attention that I needed the “mind of Christ.” In response, I wrote that “I want the mind of Christ without losing all the other things I like about how I think. Is that possible?” As I waited, God whispered “You will be challenged to stay the same--fighting your version of wisdom with [my] call to serve others.” Days later, feeling impatient, God reminded me to take patience for myself. Of course! He has the things of this life figured out so I need not be anxious what my next steps could be.

Days later, I felt like God spoke that I should come to Him, and that He has called me to be set apart, Holy--not that I set myself apart, but that He has. On another day, I wrote to God, “I want your presence in my life not just to put peace in me… but to have life abundantly!” I then asked if perhaps I should start saving for traveling. It was then for the first time I saw in my mind’s eye God nod his head yes. I asked, “Are you calling me out to Johannesburg (a city that randomly occurred to me days earlier) and elsewhere?”  “Go. I have appointed you for this season.” “Will you go with me God?” “Yes, of course you goober… You will go where I send you.” 

There were a few times I sought clarity from God on his direction. I wrote in my journal some days later, “God, are we still all-in on this?”  “Yes we are!” With that and a few other conversations, it was sealed in my heart. I had no doubts that God had made provision for me in this next season. In fact, He said, “I will make your path for you”. 

With that, I began making plans to go, trusting all that God had promised me.